Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Live Event Review: ICW Hey Look! It's That Mad Wrestling Thing Aff The Telly Tour - It's Just A Big Stereo Hangin' From A Tree (Lily Lestrange)

On Sunday morning, after an emotional night in Belfast which saw Chris Renfrew lose the ICW World Heavyweight Title to Big Damo, we got on the bus to Dublin with heavy hearts. A lot of people didn't like the fact that Renfrew was champion because he's a big bad beardy bastard that lets his pals boot lovely ladies in the face (how DARE he treat Simon that way) but he truly deserved that belt and he defended it well. It was sad today see him lose it after what felt like such a short period of time. 

Regardless, the matches announced for Dublin's show were shit hot and we were all excited for them and the inevitable Father Ted quotes that would come with being in the birthplace of the show. Did you know that the house they filmed it on isn't even on an island? I'm as shocked and offended as you are.  

I nearly didn't get into the show.I got ID'd at the door and my passport was back in the hotel. The woman at the door wouldn't believe me when I told her I was 25 but luckily for me I'm a cunning linguist and managed to talk my way (eh I mean, present the appropriate evidence to the staff) in to the venue.

(In the interest of keeping this below my usual hundred thousand word limit I'm keeping the match reviews as brief as possible (Editor's Note: Have you never read one of my reviews, Lily?!)

hey look! it's that mad wrestling thing aff the telly tour - it's just a big stereo hangin' from a tree match card

Match 1 - ICW Tag Team Championships - The 55 (Kid Fite & Sha Samuels) (C) vs. The New Age Kliq

Match 2 - Singles - Jackie Polo vs. Kenny Williams

Match 3 - Singles - Tron vs. Wolfgang

Match 4 - Singles - Drew Galloway vs. Noam Dar

Match 5 - Singles - Grado vs. Noam Dar

Match 6 - ICW Zero-G Championship - Davey Boy (C) vs. Marty Scurll

Match 7 - Singles - Luther Valentine vs. Mark Coffey

Match 8 - ICW World Heavyweight Championship - Big Damo (C) vs. Jack Jester

the 55 defeat the new age kliq to retain the icw tag team championships

Before the match was about to begin, Chris Renfrew got hold of a microphone and said that if Sha Samuels and Kid Fite were as hard as they say they are then they'd be brave enough to put their tag titles on the line. Fite was like "are ye daft?" but Sha being the mad bastard that he is accepted the challenge... He won't have his 'aaaaardness questioned by no mug.  

There was no real dominant team throughout the first half of this match; BT Gunn and Renfrew gave as good as Kid Fite and Sha were dishing out to them.  There was a mighty chop off at one point with BT and both 55 members... And when you enter a chop off with BT Gunn yer guaranteed to get something chopped off. Be it a finger, your nose or a nip, some part of your being is getting slapped off and flying into the comfort of a crowd member's Pimms.  

Kid Fite took a nasty clothesline over the ropes halfway through the match and ended up sprawled on the floor beside the ring, leaving Sha to go it solo against Renfrew and BT. Sha was doing a decent job of defending himself but Renfrew kept beating him down and was about to call it a day on him until Wolfgang appeared from behind the curtain at the entrance way. He was waving his big meat slab of a fist at Renfrew, threatening him with his knuckledusters which gave Sha the opportunity to grab Renfrew and pin him in order to retain the tag titles.  

kenny williams defeats jackie polo

One of my favourite matches of the night, Kenny and Jackie tore lumps out of each other.  In the ring, in the crowd, at the bar... it was intense. Jackie gave Kenny a scoop slam or ten in the ring, then gave him another few out in the crowd for good measure. "SCOOP SLAM CITY; SCOOP SCOOP SCOOP". The thud that Kenny made when Jackie scoop slammed him the first time in the crowd made my teeth hurt. I thought Jackie was the clear winner but Kenny's a wee cheeky sausage and fought back, when they were back in the ring he caught Jackie with a Quiff Buster and pinned him for the win.

wolfgang defeats tron

Tron is homegrown Irish talent, hailing from Pro Wrestling Ulster and by god, he's huge. Between him and Wolfgang, who isn't exactly below average height himself, the ring looked tiny. Tron wasn't the fastest guy but when he landed a punch it landed hard. Sadly for him it wasn't enough because Wolfgang beat him via pinfall. If it was any consolation to him though, Renfrew and BT Gunn appeared at the end of the match for a bit of payback; Renfrew decked Wolfgang with a Stone Cold Stoner and then got him in position so that BT could hit him with a nasty Killer Boots from the turnbuckle. 

drew galloway defeats noam dar

The last time we saw these two face off in ICW, Drew punted Noam off a balcony in the Garage in Glasgow so I was a bit feart for the wee yin to say the least. The Dublin crowd loved Noam and he sooked that shit up like it was his granny's soup. Sadly this time round, Drew pinned Noam. Thankfully there was no bodies getting pushed off balconies this time though.

joe coffey defeats grado

It's always great to here the reaction for both Joe and Grado's entrance, no matter where ICW travel they both always gets greeted with such enthusiasm. Joe fans were battering their chests and Grado fans were doing all the usual chants and singing away to his theme, it was lovely. They had a bit of a laugh and a joke at first then Joe took it a bit more seriously, so Grado took the huff and pulled down Joe's trunks to reveal a pair of clover knickers. Joe shouted about needing the luck of the Irish and I don't quite know how it happened but Joe ended up getting his arse out. Grado was eyeing it up and looking a bit jealous when someone in the crowd shouted "well, they ALL have lovely bottoms!" and that was me buckled for the best part of that match. Joe's knickers done him well because he smacked Grado with that lovely big lariat of his and pinned him for the win. 

davey boy defeats marty scurll to retain the icw zero-g championship

The last time I saw Marty Scurll live he was still "Party Marty" and it's wonderful to see how much of a wee shite he's become since then. He had the upper hand for the majority of this match and when it looked like he was about to get Davey in a crossface chickenwing (one of my favourite wrestling moves because of mad Bob Backlund; before the scoop slam, there was the chicken wing) Davey made his comeback and pinned Marty to retain the ICW Zero G Championship. I was surprised to hear the crowd boo him when he won as his popularity has grown since Total Davey but well, Marty is a popular guy even if he is a bad bad man. 

mark coffey defeats luther valentine

If I had one word to describe this match it would probably be "sore".  It was a right sore-looking match. We saw Luther fight beside Tron the night before in Belfast and he's a good wrestler but Mark was just battering lumps out of him. He finished off with a pump handle slam before pinning what was left of Luther for the win then scooping him up (AYYYY) and hiding the remains under the ring. I jest, both Luther and Tron showed that Ireland has wrestlers worth talking about and promotions worth looking into, they've done their country proud.

big damo defeats jack jester to retain the icw world heavyweight championship

I won't lie, I heard most of the match via crowd reactions from behind the toilet door.  Some complete scoundrel may or may not have broken the toilet roll holder as they were trying to dry their hands and I felt it was my civic duty to try and repair it (I done goofed, sorry Dublin venue staff).  The Dublin crowd went mad for Damo all the way through this match and even more so when he pinned Jester and won the match.


All the way through the show the crowd were loving every minute of it. I love it when ICW go to a new city because you get to see so many people witness the magic that is an ICW show for the very first time. Dublin is probably my favourite new city because they just point blank refused to leave until Billy Kirkwood told them all that "it's been a great night but fuck off home now". That's how much they enjoyed it. Hopefully we can make the trip back across the water for another tour at some point in the near future.

In the meantime, the next shows will be London (25th March), Cardiff (26th March) and Bournemouth (27th March).  Tickets available at

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