Wednesday, 6 July 2016

TV Review: TNA The Final Deletion - Director's Cut (James Marston)

I knew you'd come. Now we are here at the point where I will talk about the Final Deletion. Words will be wrote and many a moment will be analysed, but will it truly matter when all that is left is the darkness inside our very souls. When we are Broken, can we ever truly complete anything? 

Okay, I lost it for a moment there. Sorry about that. Basically, I wanted to talk a little bit more about TNA's Final Deletion, than I usually would within the confines of a regular TV show review. I wanted to be able to focus on the entire story that ran throughout IMPACT Wrestling #625 and truly do justice to the dark masterpiece of wonder that it may very well be. So I decided I'd take a look at the Director's Cut. It's essentially all the scenes Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Reby Hardy, Maxel Hardy, Senor Benjamin and a referee took part in throughout the show spliced together to create on stand-alone 18 minute piece of television. 

A Brief History of Matt vs. Jeff in TNA

If you've not been watching TNA this year, or you are reading this many, many years from now, primarily, Matt and Jeff Hardy have been feuding since way in January, when Jeff got all pissy about Matt doing nasty things to Ethan Carter III en route to becoming World Heavyweight Champion. With a little gap because Jeff can't get into the UK and TNA were taking five weeks worth of TV there, Matt and Jeff have been scrapping ever since. They've had two battles over the World Heavyweight title, one involving EC3, that would eventually lead to Drew Galloway cashing in his Feast or Fired Briefcase and Matt losing the belt. This would lead to feud heating up further with Matt blaming Jeff for losing the belt, they'd go on to scrap in a Gauntlet to become #1 Contender, which Jeff won and they'd fight in a tag team match where Matt and Tyrus went over Jeff and Galloway. Then came time to up the ante in an "I Quit" match when Jeff would leap off part of the stage and crush Matt, but seeing as neither said the words required, the feud continued. 

Matt returned under Jeff's Willow alias, claiming he was now "Broken" because of the event of the "I Quit" match. This is where the storyline took a turn for the absolute mental. Matt speaking in a weird Shakespearean-esque accent and playing the piano and things. All types of weird-ass shit, that trod the line between terribly awesome and awesomely terrible. Jeff winning a Full Metal Mayhem match at Slammiversary couldn't solve things, neither could "The Charismatic Enigma" jumping off a ladder on top of the ring post and threw tables and chairs and onto Matt in a Six Sides of Steel match, two weeks ago. Therefore, we were here, there was only one way to bring the family feud to an end. Where it began at The Hardy house. In a rickety old ring and all over the massive yard and that. 


I'm going to split this into two parts. Stuff that happened before the match and the match, if you can call it a match, itself. From the very beginning it was just as mental as I wanted it to be. Matt's gardener Senor Benjamin made a return, as Matt and Reby celebrate Maxel's first birthday. Matt was saying thing in his weird voice and making claims about the candle on Maxel's cake. Perhaps my favourite part in the pre-amble towards the match was when Jeff received his message from Matt, his invitation to the dance, so to speak. That's because it came via a hologram that was delivered by a drone. Why was it done like this? Because the Hardyz like holograms and drones and they've taken a lot of drugs in the past. Jeff was playing his part wonderfully, because he looked so serious as he sped off on his motorbike to kick some butt. Whilst this was happening Matt was destroying Jeff's grass design by riding a sit-on lawn mover and waving his arms about. Why was it done like this? Because the Hardyz like sit-on lawn movers and they've taken a lot of drugs in the past. There was even more mental stuff like Matt ordering his Benjamin to get the "battlefield prepared for a massacre" before later handing him some gasoline. 

After a referee had arrived in his car, and Matt had summoned Jeff (again) by playing the violin, it was time. The match was produced like a movie with incidental music instead of commentary. I think the weirdest part of the match for me was that the pair started off wrestling like this was a regular match, there was a bit of brawl at the start, but then they started bouncing each other off the ropes, going for quick pinfalls and Jeff even took his shirt off when he went to hit a Swanton Bomb like he was expecting to get a pop. This was not a match that was built on it's realism. Which is probably for the best. From a few minutes in, things returned to the bat shit craziness, with weapons getting involved, and then Jeff jumped out of a tree onto Matt who was propped up on a ladder in the corner, then Matt introduced fireworks to the match, allowing for a beautiful aerial visual of the ring covered in the smoke. Jeff used his own fireworks, Matt hid in a dilapidated boat, thought he'd drowned his brother in a lake, Willow turned up, Benjamin tasered Willow, but Benjamin was actually Willow or something. I don't fucking know okay. These lads have turned me into a mess with their mental antics. The finish of the match somehow had to top the rest of this lunacy and it did. Jeff climbed a giant version of his logo, so Matt used Maxel's first birthday candle to set it on fire (because of the Gasoline), causing Jeff to fall off the logo. Matt would then pin him. Hence the Final Deletion. 

I'm shaking now recalling what I watched. It was funny in the weirdest way and they both did some really stupid stuff to each other. It was like if backyard wrestling had the budget and production of Lucha Underground, and also the access to a large lake, a dilapidated boat, shit loads of fireworks, a massive sculpture of Jeff Hardy's logo, a taser and other things Why did any of this happen? What does any of it mean? What will happen to either man going forward? Who the fuck knows. But this probably the best advert for either taking drugs or not taking drugs you will ever see, depending on your outlook on life.  

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